Crimson Screens

Is it "Curtains" for Crimson Screens???

2007-04-26T16:16:00.000-07:00

Hey! I'm back with another update. Watching "Going To Pieces" really got me exctied about horror again, so that will translate to a lot of reviews, I am sure. I will throw in some reviews of older movies, but lesser known ones, so if you have not seen them, you need to. One to the review...
"Curtains" is a slasher movie from 1983. It is about a group of aspiring actresses who go to a remote mansion to audition for a coveted spot in a famous directors new movie. All of the actresses want this role real bad. Who will get it? Well a lot of them die trying. Ha!
First, I would like to say that the atmosphere in this movie is really creepy. Especially the secluded mansion they go to. Very cool. Also, the one scene that anyone who has seen this will talk about, is an expertly staged death scene while a character is ice skating.
Second, I wish the acting here was better. There are some decent actors in this but the acting never really is anything but average. And it is especially noticable in the "dramatic" scenes. Some of those just sound silly.
The movie moves a long at a decent pace, but runs out of steam near the end. A lot of the kills are bloodless, which is a pretty stupid decision for a slasher movie. One of the deaths, where someone falls out of a window, is confusing at fuck. I don't know if it was edited shittily or something, but it looks like the person falls out of a second story window and on the way to the ground, manages to fall into the first story window. What the fuck??? I watched that scene mutiple times and I still coudn't figure out what happened.
Ok, while this movie is nothing special compared to a lot of the same genre films that came out around the same time, it is a semi interesting movie with a few good scenes. Rent, dont buy!

Ok, that's all for now. More tomorrow...

Crimson Screens goes for a "Dark Ride" and checks out "Going To Pieces: The Rise And Fall Of The Slasher Movie"...

2007-04-25T12:41:00.000-07:00

Crimson Screens goes for a "Dark Ride" and checks out "Going To Pieces: The Rise And Fall Of The Slasher Movie"...

Hey! Again, sorry for the delay. I have been concentrating hard on getting my life in order and when I get caught up in life, I tend to neglect this site. I have a lot of content saved up, so expect frequent updates. I know I have said that in the last 3 or 4 entries, but I mean it this time!
Ok, "Dark Ride" is a part of the After Dark Horrorfest thing from last fall. Eight movies were released in theatres and shown in groups over 3 days. Well, most of them would have went straight to video had it not been for this fest. And for good reason. The majority of them were crap. I will go into detail about more of them at a later date, but for now I will talk about "Dark Ride" which is a slasher movie.
I love slasher movies. So I knew I had to see this when I saw the "slasher movie" description.
"Dark Ride" is about a group of kids who are on their way to spring break but they decide to stop on the way and spend the night in a dark ride. A dark ride is a haunted house where you ride through in a cart and crash through doors when you go into each room. I remember those from when I was a little kid. They had one at a mini amusement park that I used to go to.
Well it seems, years ago, two girls were killed in this dark ride. A giant serial killer lived in the dark ride but was caught and put in jail after the murders. In a silly scene, he rips out of a straight jacket and escapes, to return to the dark ride to kill more people.
The cast gets to the dark ride, explores for a while, plays jokes on each other, do drugs and have sex. Fun times, huh? Well, soon enough the killer shows up and things turn bad.
This has a great set up, with a plot real similar to The Funhouse. But this movie just can't recapture the magic that made all those 80's slasher movies so great.
The movie quickly becomes boring and the bad acting does not help at all. People who do/did great work on the X-Files and the Sopranos are here but they aren't too good. The guy from the X-Files wasn't horrible, just not good. But the girl from the Sopranos, oh man, she was bad. She is a cute one when she is hanging out, but she is gross and silly when she is playing the scared heroine. The rest of the cast is notably bad.
The gore is graphic, but a lot of it is in the dark or in weird lighting, so it is hard to see it sometimes. Gore is the reason a lot of people watch slasher movies and if you are going to fuck with that, then the movie is going to be missing something that made the classic ones so great. There is a head split in half, which was good, but besides that, it is mostly crap. A man has a hole punched through him, one is ripped in half, another has her head saw off while blowing some guy. For a good laugh, watch what comes out of her mouth when they show her servered head. Someone else is impaled on spikes. There is nothing too original here, but what gore there is, is R rated gore, so I guess that is a plus.
Overall, this movie struggles to even be average. A couple good gore scenes can't save this mess. And while the killers design is pretty cool, the rest of the movie is not.

"Going To Pieces: The Rise And Fall Of The Slasher Movie" is a documentary about the history of the slasher movie. I loved it! They start with the origins of the slasher movie, Peeping Tom and Psycho, and move to Halloween and Friday the 13th and then go into the slasher movie explosion of the early to mid 80's. So many great and entertaining movies came out of that time period and it is nice to seem them documented here.
I was afraid that this movie would focus only on the big names and series, Halloween and Friday the 13th, and they do talk about them, but they also discuss many of the lesser known ones, like the Burning, Silent Night, Deadly Night, Maniac, the Prowler and Pieces! Holy shit! Pieces! Now that is a lost classic! In addition to talking with people involved with these movies, they also show clips, mostly the gore scenes. Time is even spent on obscure stuff, like Graduation Day. They cover everything here!
I am so excited about this movie. To the people that like them, the early/mid 80's slasher movies, are gold and this documents that piece of time in a fantastic manner. I like the stupid old ladies talking about Silent Night, Deadly Night. They even counterpoint the stupid ideas of those two oldies with an interview with the lady who played Mother Superior in Silent Night, Deadly Night!!! Her opinion is very different, but dead on. That is where this amazing movie gets an A+. They interview all the "famous" names, John Carpenter, Sean Cunningham, etc, but they also give some light to lesser known directors.
I cannot say enough good things about this. This is a must see, wether you are a slasher movie fan, a horror fan or just a random person looking for an interesting and entertaining documentary. This film gets an outstanding golden A+.

That is all for today. I will be back soon with more reviews!!!

Crimson Screens sees "Feed" and might never eat again...

2007-03-15T12:42:00.000-07:00

Crimson Screens sees "Feed" and might never eat again...

Hi! This time I review Feed. It is a fantastic movie. Here is what I have to say about it...
Feed opens in Australia, where an internet crimes detective is about to catch someone he has been tracking for a long time. When he finds the guy, he is force feeding another guy to himself, his penis actually. This sends the detective right over the edge and he is forced to take some time off. During his time off he wabders around alot and has some bizarre sex with his girlfriend. Soon enough, he is lured back into his work when he and his partner find a site that details a "feeder" and a "gainer". Unfortunately, this part is not made up and sites like this actually exist. Where a person, the feeder, gives someone nonstop food and anything else to gain all the weight they can. The person who eats it all is the gainer. The people who watch online places bets on how much the gainer will weigh on certain days and unltimately, when the gainer will die. Again, this is not being made up. Anyway, the detective becomes obsessed with this and he finds out this particular feeder/gainer live in the US, in Ohio, so off he goes to find them.
And he does find them. And what he finds is 100000 times worse than you imagine.
Ok, this is a sick little movie right here. The feeder/gainer concept is pretty demented as it is, but we get all sorts of sordid details about it, like the sexual aspects of it. Yuck.
Ok, the acting here is superb, the detective and the feeder are all very good actors. But the best work here is the gainer, some lady in a disgusting fat suit. Remember the fay guy at the beginning of Seven? Well, it's like that, but worse, and alive. She spends the entire movie on a bed but she is fanstastic at getting emotions out and showing how her character feels. All the acting here is great and the movie benefits from this.
There is not a whole lot of traditional gore here, very little actually, but there is a lot of sickening feeder/gainer action, with eat mixed with masterbation, the forced feeding of gallons of lard and later on the detective has lard injected into his skin and he ends up cutting it out with a knife. It's all very graphic and unsettling.
This movie is great. Yes, it deals with all sorts of topics that most people want to know nothing about. But, it shows the topics and doesn't flinch from showeing them and all of that conbined with the great acting and the superb direction, you get a top notch winner. This movie is such a relief from the never ending straight to video slasher and monster suck a thons that I have seen lately. A+++ and I give it the highest rcommend possible.

That's all for now. We got two more people who will be contributing reviews soon and soon after that, this page will also gon inot a quarterly print form. I hope you like it. Take care.

Crimson Screens is sad after "The Pumpkin Carver" ruins Halloween and reviews in a minute...

2007-02-18T08:06:00.000-08:00

Crimson Screens is sad after "The Pumpkin Carver" ruins Halloween and reviews in a minute...

Ok, back again. I have seen a ton of movies in the last month or so. Some were way better than most, but either way, they will all end up here. Someone emailed me and asked why I post mostly negative reviews. Well, I review what I rent. I don't really care about reviewing movies that have been out for twenty years, or the classics, because those have been reviewed a thousand times over in a million other books, magazines and webpages. So, I review what I rent. Yes, the majority of releases today are real bad. I wish that wasn't the case, but it is. I will still watch as much as I can though. Because for every ten crappy movies I see, there is usually one that makes it worth sitting through all the bad ones.
"The Pumpkin Carver" was graced with a cool cover, which drew my interest to the video. Also, it is set on Halloween, which is my favorite holiday of the year, so I was pretty excited.
The movie opens with a boy carving a pumpkin. His sister has her boyfriend sneak over, but sends him away saying that they can't "hangout" until her brother goes to bed. Soon after, a man in a pumpkin mask shows up and tries to kill the sister, but the boy intervenes, killing the intruder. But ooooppps! The intruder was just the girls boyfriend playing a joke.
Skip ahead a few years and the sister and brother duo have relocated to a small town. There is a Halloween party and someone shows up in a pumpkin mask and starts to kill off all the party goers.
Ok, the opening scenes with the practical joke are pretty well done, with a little suspense, but mostly it is just well put together. The movie quickly devolves into crap, as the two leads have moved into a new town. They are getting ready for the big annual Halloween party. There is a lot of crap about what it takes to me a "Carver". Oh please. That's some stupid shit right there.
In addition to the completely generic plot, the acting is bad, the pace is slow and the explanations given are laaaaaame.
There is a lot of gore, which is pretty graphic, but it is all unconvincing and very shittily done.
This is a completely run of the mill modern slasher movie. Nothing special and nothing new.

Ok, here are some "reviews in a minute", done by friend of Crimson Screens, Melissa. I know they are mostly mainstream movies, or at least movies that played in theatres, but I figured this would be better than whole sections wasted on them.
The Departed- fantastic, interesting and excited. it's two and a half hours long but seemed like ninety minutes. A+ plus on all levels.
The Hitcher- take a good movie, reverse the gender roles and take out all the excitement of the orignal and you get this throw away piece of junk.
Stay Alive- life mimics a video game and people die. a semi cool concept that is very poorly conceived. even the unrated version lacks anything special.
Black Christmas- a total waste of time and a disgrace to the original.
Primevel- had one of the most misleading add campaigns ever, but it didn't matter because either way, the movie was not too good.
Hannibal Rising- well, i wish he would sink back to wherever he rose from. average and dull.
Flags Of Our Fathers- very well done and acted but ultimately boring when there wasn't a battle scene on the screen.
Flyboys- some exciting air battle sequences coupled with a love story and not enough character development. those were some crazy guys running around on top of that Zepplin, but overall, not too good.
Crank- awesome and excting action movie, felt like it was made in the 80's. anything Jason Statham touches is good. Highly recommended!

Ok, that's all. More to follow this week!

Crimson Screens returns from the dead, with "The Cavern" and "Darkroom"...

2007-01-27T14:52:00.001-08:00

Crimson Screens returns from the dead with "The Cavern" and "Darkroom"...

Hello all! This is the first new post in nearly three months. I had a lot of stuff going on in life around Halloween time and I had to get all of that taken care of. Unfortunately I pushed this site to the side for a while. Laziness had a lot to do with it too. Things are back on track here, so I will update a few times a week, just like before. I have seen a few good movies since the last post and a lot of horrible ones, so look forward to reading about them on here soon. Thanks for reading!

With the popularity and success of "The Descent", it was inevitable that more cave horror movies would surface. Well, there was "The Cave", which came before "The Descent" but hey, that movie sucked so enough about that.
"The Cavern" is about a group of people who find a new and unexplored cave and they are all eager to be the first ones to see new things and be somewhere no one has been before. There is some background to one of the cahracters about him being involved in a cave accident a couple years back and that is mentioned a few times and plays into what eventually happens.
Ok, there is this scene, the night before they actually go into the cave, where two people are having sex inside the cave and the girl thinks she hears something and the camera peers up over them and looks into the darkness of the cave and its such an effective shot. I was just waiting for something to jump out. Great tension there! The tension continues once they get in the cave. There is a lot of hand held camera work, like point of view shots, and the cave is already dark, so whenever something scary happens, you totally do not see it coming. Eventually the cast gets lost because something is fucking with their safety line. Well the semething seems to be a monster of some sort who picks through the cast in a few pretty damn scary attacks. The monster moves so fast and the lack of light all go into making the attack scenes effective. There is one in total darkness that you only hear what is going on and it is done very well. Up until this point, the movie is pretty damn good. Once most of the cast is gone, the pace slows a bit because its just them running away from the monster and getting even more lost. Toward the end, the movie takes a giant turn and goes off in a direction that I totally did not expect. But then they go and ruin it with one of the dumbest and sudden ending ever. Nothing is explained and I wanted to throw my remote at the TV. The movie is so effective for almost the entire running them and it is ruined by the end. Grr!
I would like to say that there are a few what the fuck moments, where something happens and we dont know why it happens and here, it is never even explained why it happens. Like when they are in the cave and they see the bright red light. What the hell was that? It is never explained.
Oh well, this is a pretty damn cool movie with a crappy end. I still say check it out, since almost all of the running time is tense and scary. There is some cool gore too.

"The Darkroom" was a recommend from someone else. The movie stars Reed Diamond, who I was a big fan of when he was on Homicide: Life On The Street. Here he plays a man who was found walking down the road, covered in blood fifteen years ago. No one knows why. Well, a doctor has this medicine that is supposed to help him remember what happened. It doesn't work, but he does start seeing a giant monster killing people. Then he escapes from the mental home he is in. He meets a boy who is having a hard life, being pushed around by bullies, not a lot of friends and a crappy home life. The two set out to find out what happened to the man and also solve little mysteries, like what the boy stepdad is keeping in his darkroom.
This is the best straight to video movie I have seen in a long time. The cast is very good. The plot movies along without any dumb or slow spots. There are some cool effects. And most importantly, it is interesting.
Towards the end, it is pretty obvious where they are going with the plot, but it is so well done, that I didn't care. The monster is explained, a mysterioius scar is explained and the exceptional cast carries out the cool story in a very good manner. Once the plot reveals what is going on, the way the truth is intertwined with what the characters think is going on, is so amazingly well done. I love the weird twitch thing Reed Diamond does at the end showdown.
I give 'Darkroom" the highest A+ everyone must see. Horro fans and thriller fans will like this movie. It is scary and well done.

Crimson Screens has his high hopes smashed while watching "Pumpkinhead: Ashes To Ashes"...

2006-10-31T06:54:00.000-08:00

Crimson Screens has his high hopes smashes while watching "Pumpkinhead: Ashes To Ashes"...

Happy Halloween!!! Today is my favorite day of the year!!! Halloween has always been my favorite day of the year. And to celebrate that on here, the best I can, I'm putting up this review. What a treat, right? Well maybe not, but still, I hope you enjoy it.
Tomorrow morning I leave for continuation of my medical problems, so wish me luck with that and Melissa will be doing the updates while I am gone.
Ok, the original "Pumpkinhead" was a creepy and entertaining late '80s movie. It starred the always good Lance Henriksen and it was about a man who conjures up an ancient monster to take revenge on the people who took part in the death of his son. While, it was no classic, it was a good watch. There was a sequel, "Pumpkinhead 2: Blood Wings" and, well, that movie was a piece of shit. It is not a good sign when the best part of your movie is Linnea Quigley, who has hit the wall real hard in recent years, having sex with a fat and hairy Gunnar Hansen. Yuck. It's been over ten years since that mess of a movie and we get this sequel. The fact that it is a Sci-Fi original movie didn't place my hopes too high, but I wanted to see it anyways. Hey, it might be good, right? Yeah right is more like it! I did have high hopes for this, since it has been advertised a lot lately and the preview clips seemed pretty damn cool. High hopes don't mean shit in horror movies though.
Doug Bradley plays a town doctor but his family is a bunch of grave robbers and weirdos who do illegal operations on people, and the towns people don't take to kindly to this, so they resurrect Pumpkinhead to take revenge for them.
While Doug Bradley and Lance Henriksen are really good here, the rest of the cast is bad news. They are bad news of the overacting variety. And the ones who don't overact, underact. And the ones who don't overact or underact, well they don't act at all. You get the point.
I had some other problems too, like some of the editing seemed off, like when a kid is killed in prison, it jumped around too much and since Pumpkinhead is supposed to be this great being, it sure takes him long enough to kill that guy.
There is a lot of gore, which is well done, but when they throw in CGI, it is bad CGI and any seriousness ends because you start laughing. The Pumkinhead design is a little different than before and it is nothing distracting. But what is distracting is the CGI. Completely unneccessary and dumb.
I think they could have done a little work with the pacing too, some scenes drag on and I did start to get bored early on.
This is not as bad as I thought it was going to be, not even close, but if you are going to wait this long to do a sequel and hype it up as much as it has been on TV, then you would think the film makers would have had something special here. But no. I didn't hate this, in fact, it is worth one watch. It just sucks that there is nothing really special here, and what could have been a great movie just ends up being average. I see there is already a sequel planned, "Pumpkinhead: Love Hurts". Hopefully that will be better, but you know how the straight to video game goes. Ha.
Ok, thanks for reading.
You should also go here:
http://uttertrashohio.blogspot.com
He is a friend of mine and does some great writing, far better than my stuff. I wish he would update more often though. :)
Also, check out the following podcasts:
Night Of The Living Podcast- best podcast, funny and informative
Monster Squad Terrorcast- very informative
The Infest Sound- unfortunately there hasn't been a new show in quite some time.
I wanted to say something nice about the Reel Horror Podcast, but I can't. I think those two guys are fucking annoying. Like they have some big pompous attitude about the stuff they watch. Oh well, whatever, Being annoying and a complaining jerk will get you nowhere in life.
That's all. Happy Halloween!!! Stop sitting around online and go do something fun!!!
Edward

Crimson Screens sees "Saw 3" and has a coming of age experience with "Lightning Bug"...

2006-10-30T08:24:00.000-08:00

Crimson Screens sees "Saw 3" and has a coming of age experience with "Lightning Bug"...

Hey! Edward here and I have two more reviews for you today. One of the just released "Saw 3" and one of the older straight to DVD "Lightning Bug". But first, I want to say that this Halloween has been lacking so far. There have been a couple good shows but that is it. Hopefully that will change tonight and tomorrow night, but we will see.
On other news, I might be returning to the hospital soon, so if I do, Crimson Screens correspondant Melissa Wolfe will be taking over this page while I am there, or until I can get ym computer in where I will be. Medical problems suck and that's a true story.
Anyway, the Saw series has made a ton of money for somoene because they keep making them and, while the quality was never really high, they are entertaining movies to watch once. The first one had a good story and some decent effects, but some really bad acting took over the movie. The ending too, while neat, was no surprise for even a modest fan of horror movies. But it made a ton of money so sequels had to be made. "Saw 2" continued the story of Jigsaw, upped the gore and expanded the story. It had lots of mean death scenes and lots of twists and turns and semi surprise ending.
"Saw 3" picks up a little while after Saw 2 ends and we are reintroduced to the surviving characters from part 2. All loose ends from part 2 are quickly explained or tied up and we meet all new characters. There is a man who lost his son to a drunk driver, a doctor and some others. The plot follows Jigsaws attempt to stay alive even longer and his final test of a man.
The acting here is not too bad. Tobin Bell is quite good as Jigsaw. In fact, he is creepy in anything he is in. See season 2 of 24 for more proof. Shawnee Smith is good too. The man who lost his son to the drunk driver, he is good too, basically surviving test after test of pain and endurance.
The plot moves along really quick, explaining everything we need to know. Hell, they even explain shit from the first movie. Everything is all tied together real neatly though, not in a crappy Hollywood way either.
There is a lot of gore, that's for sure. I'm not going to ruin it and tell about it all, because the movie is too new and lots of people might not have seen it yet. Some of the scenes are long and drawn out and very painful for the characters involced. Others are quick and nasty. Sometimes the gore is shot too close and it's hard to tell what exactly is going on, but that is kept to a minimum. I will say that anyone who dies here, doesn't die fast and lots of blood and screaming are involved.
Ok, "Saw 3" is no classic. It isn't even great. But it was a fun way to kill 90 minutes. I can't imagine ever owning this, but to see once or twice, I say check it out!
On to "Lightning Bug". This is a small movie about a familiy who moves to a small town in Alabama. The mother is struggling with life, the older son is a make up effects wizard and the younger son is just as lost as the mother. The mother meets a guy, but he turns out to be an alcoholic and a bastard who beats in women and kids. The older son makes a lot of weirdo friends and the young one becomes entranced by the Bible.
First, this was marketed as a horror movie. It is not a horror movie by any means. One could make the argument that it deals with the horrors of life, but it is still not a horror movie. I would put is alongside coming of age dramas like Stand By Mean or even Mean Creek. It's on Anchor Bay too and was advertised in every major horror mag, so it lead me to believe I was getting horror, but I was not. That's fine. It is actually a very well done movie. The older son eventually meets a troubled girl and they hit it off, but hey, her mother won't have it because he is doing the effects for a haunted house and well, that's the devil's work. Yeah, but anyways, the plot follows this kids quest to set up this haunted house and his battles with the bible thumpers in the town around him.
The acting is great. The pace is great. The story is great. I liked this movie a lot. I like how is references a lot of horror movies and how the main character is a big horror fan. My only complaint is that some of the characters, like the police chief, he isn't very funny and I know he was meant to be, but he was more annoying than anything else.
Whatever, this is a good movie, not horror, but still good.
That's all for this update. Wether or not I'm back tomorrow is not up to my at this point, but if I'm not, then another Crimson Screens worker will be and so far we have planned reviews for Monster! and the new Pumpkinhead movie. Happy Halloween!

Crimson Screens thinks that "Scarecrow Slayer" needs to be slayed and "Great White" is a long lost comedy classic...

2006-10-25T13:05:00.000-07:00

Crimson Screens thinks that "Scarecrow Slayer" needs to be slayed and that "Great White" is a long lost comedy classic...

Greetings all! Melissa here with you! Here are two reviews Edward sent before he lef to attend to some personal business. Also, before we go on, I just wanted to say that the new Showtime series "Dexter" is damn good and it should appeal a whole bunch to horror fans. Check it out! It is about a serial killer who works for the Miami Police Department and he only kills people who escape the normal means of justice. This show is just fantastic and I love it! The new season of Masters Of Horror starts this Friday and, well, I don't really care. Now, Edward's reviews...

Ok, "Scarecrow Slayer" is a sequel to a movie called "Scarecrow". Do not confuse it with the great late 80's movie titled "Scarecrows". That movie was ruling. These are not. I saw the last twenty minutes or so of "Scarecrow" and, oh boy, was it bad! Shot on video slow motion effects that just look like blurs on the screen are not entertaining to watch. The scarecrow is shot through the head and we can see right through his head, but moments later, the hole is nowhere to be seen. A car races away from the scarecrow and he does gymnastics moves down the street after the car and actually catches up. Ridiculous. Well "Scarecrow Slayer" is the sequel. A farmer, Tony Todd, is the guardian of an anceint evil scarecrow and when some stupid college boys try to steal the scarecrow, the farmer shoots one of them and his soul goes into the scarecrow. The idea is ok, I guess, but the execution is flawed. So the scarecrow is off on a rampage and people try to stop him.
Ok, enough about the plot because it gets increasingly stupid. The acting is horrible but I guess that makes it fit in with the rest of the movie. The action scenes are retarded, poorly shot and hey, we don't care what happens to the characters anyway. There is a kung fu fight between a good scarecrow and a bad scarecrow at the end, which is a novel idea, but it is also poorly shot and edited, so any coolness is quickly replaced with confusion. Ok, this movie sucks, right? Well nothing in it comes close to being as bad as the effects are. They are all mostly crappy CGI effects, but the worst and shittiest CGI you can imagine. A man is chopped in half by the scarecrow, and you know the deal, his upper half slides off his lower half, and well, the blood just appears on the screen in like a shitty sub par animation way. It made me laugh that they kept such nonsense in here. Also, a Marine ROTC guy has rockets in his basement. Right!
This was produced by Tony Todd. Who knows why? One would think that he could have gathered more talent than this. The box art and the pictures on it make this look really cool. It's not.
"Great White" is the Italian version of "Jaws". So little changes were made, that the producers of "Jaws" got lawyers to sure and thus this movie was banned from being released in the US.
If you know the plot of "Jaws" then you know the plot of this. A shark is terrorizing a resort town and a group of people set out to stop it. The Brody and Quint characters from "Jaws" are copied without shame. The plot is copied without shame. Even some dialogue seems strangely familiar. Whatever. Nevermind all the plagerism, this movie somehow manages to be strangely exciting to watch. I have been a fan of sharks ever since I was a little kid, so I'll watch anything with sharks in it, and this one is fun to watch. There is a lot of stock footage and hammy acting, but the part that takes the cake is the actual shark design. The shark here is so silly that you can't help but love it. You see, when he attacks, he pokes his head out of the water and just bobs around until someone swims close enough so he can bite them without even trying. Ridiculous! Anyone wanting to get away would just have to swim away, but oddly enough, a lot of people fail to do that. There is some gore and a man hanging from a helicopter is bitten in half.
Ok, this is a shameless copy of a greater movie, but the way that the film makers rip off everything is funny and they somehow manage to create something, that while very stupid, is a great deal of fun to watch. I love it!

Ok, more reviews to follow I'm sure.

Crimson Screens reaches new levels of disgust while viewing "The Covenant"...

2006-10-23T13:22:00.000-07:00

Crimson Screens reaches new levels of disgust while viewing "The Covenant"...

This movie was in theatres for two weeks tops before it was quickly forgotten. In fact, I don't think anyone cared about it to begin with. Most early reviews had it labeled as a gender switched rip off of 'The Craft". Whatever. I wasn't about to waste money on this in the theatre, but when it appreared recently in the dollar theatre, and I had seen everything else I currently wanted to see, I gave in and saw this.
First, and I didn't know this before i went to see this, but this movie is directed by Renny Harlin, director of a lot of bad movies. If his name isn't enough to send you running into the night, then perhaps the rest of the movie will.
The story revolves around some boys at a private school and hey hey, they happen to have supernatural powers. Yes, there are some elements of "The Craft" here, the small amount of cleverness that made that movie at least bearable to watch once, are all absent here. Also, absent would be good acting and oh my, the pace is sooooooooo slow. It took forver for this movie to get anywhere and when it gets to where it is going, it is not very cool or interesting. There is some mildly entertaining CGI and a lot of car nonsense, but not enough to save the rest. Lot of shirtless guys though, if that is your thing, but if you don't frequent sausage parties, then forget it.
This was really boring, now that I think about it some more. The theatre was about half full when I saw it and by the end, I say about seventy five percent of the people had left, never to return, hahahaha, like a shitty slasher movie. Damn, one of those would have been better than this though. The end is a set up, I guess, for a sequel. If that happens, it will go straight to video and you can skip right over it on the shelf at the video store. I hated this movie. It was boring and the very small amount mof good stuff in it was smothered by the crap. Ugh! Next!
Hey, Saw 3 comes out Friday and then on Monday and Tuesday night, they are showing Halloween. I will see it Monday night. I guess it has some cool interviews and stuff added before the movie. We will see. I'm guessing Saw 3 will be alot like Saw 2, nothing amazing, but something fun to watch once. Halloween is required viewing though, and as I have never seen it in a theatre, I will be there. OUT.

Crimson Screens thinks that the straight to video market has a hit with "Boo"...

2006-10-21T13:55:00.000-07:00

Crimson Screens thinks that the straight to video market has a hit with "Boo"...

A lot of the people who email me or message me about something I wrote on here ask me why I post a lot of negative reviews. I always have the same answer for this. It is because ever since I have been into horror movies, a big joy for me has been wading through the piles of crap because every once in a while I find a golden gem and that golden gem makes every miserable minute seeing the crap worth it. Since I have taken the time to write for websites, do this blogger thing and in the past, even publish my own 'zine, I figure it that it makes sense to tell people about the bad movies, just as much as it makes sense to tell them about the good ones. I won't ever post reviews of Dawn Of The Dead, Evil Dead or any other movie like that, because honestly, you can find out more than enough about those anywhere else on the internet. But movies like Vice Squad and Strange Behavior, well, not a lot of people know about those, especially newer fans of horror and exploitation. And besides, when I see a movie like Motor Home Massacre, whose trailer and box art make it look really damn good, and then I rent it, and witness what I did, then hey, maybe I was hoodwinked into renting it, but it doesn't mean everyone else should be too. So, yes, there are a lot of bad horror movies, but every now and then, you get a good one...
Which brings me to "Boo". This is a straight to video title that has gotten a lot of time on the Sci-Fi channel lately. It is about a group of college students who go to spend a night in a supposedly haunted, and closed, hospital. Through in some missing persons and a couple cops, and you are set to go. The night starts out cool, with pranks and jokes, but eventually things turn very bad.
Ok, the first ten or so minutes of this movie are so ridiculously dumb that I had started to watch this twice and turned it off before I actually watched it all the way through. The early scenes are very tongue in cheek and spoof a lot of modern horror, but it is very poorly done and all the jokes fall completely flat. But, once the cast gets to the hospital, the movie takes off.
They spend the entire time wandering around and when some of their friends become haunted by ghosts, they try to figure out what is going on and why it is going on. I know this sounds very cliche and dumb, but it is actually pretty well done here. There is quite a bit of tension throughout the movie, as the ghosts have a habit of appearing out of nowhere, when you least expect it. Also, the atmosphere is great. The hospital provides a very creepy setting, much like in Session 9. There are a lot of jump scares and people in peril scares, but for the most part, they work.
Of course, there is some bad stuff. Such as the not always very good acting. The guy who plays the blonde guy who cheats on his girlfriend, he sucks. Really badly. He goes from a suave ladies man to a annoying spazz in the period of about five minutes and he is not very good at conveying either. Some of the other cast members are just as bad, but there are some decent performances, so the acting doesn't ruin this movie. Also, some of the gore is CGI, and you know how much I hate that. It is very easy here to pick out the CGI parts because they aren't very well done. There is some creepy natural effects work and some of the breakdowns of the characters are just plain bizarre.
The pacing is good though. If you make it through the terrible first ten minutes, things pick up and never slow down.
This movie is certainly no classic, but it is ten times better than most straight to video releases I have seen in a long while. If you are down for some creepy scares then this movie is a prime pick for Halloween time viewing. Check it out!

Crimson Screens is pissed! "Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning", "The Grudge 2" and "Night Force"... all pieces of shit!!!

2006-10-17T15:44:00.000-07:00

Crimson Screens is pissed! "Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning", "The Grudge 2" and "Night Force"... All pieces of shit!!!

Recovering from surgery is no fun, I tell you. Going to Cinema Wasteland was a terrible idea, even thought I had fun. That shit wore me down something fierce. Also, starting a new job right after was not such a hot idea either. The job was too good to pass up and sacrifices must be made, right? Well yeah, but I'm exhausted at the end of eeach day. My sides hurt and this shit is taking forever to heal. If I twist my torso too far in either direction, it feels like I am being pulled apart. Not fun. Every morning when I wake up, I kind of stretch my body out, like I have since I was a little kid. Well, that shit hurts like a beast and every morning I forget to not do it and soon enough, I'm writhing in pain. I'm my own little horror movie right now. That's for sure.
So with all of that going on, I figure fuck it, it's October, my favorite month of the year, at least there will be some cool movies on. I can even go to the theatre, since it doesn't take much out of me to sit in a seat for a couple hours. Well, silly me, the Halloween offerings this year are bad news, I tell you. Last weeks horror themed CSI episode was scarier and far better than any of the shit I'm about to review...
First, we had to see Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning. I didn't particularly want to see it, but I did because I always feel like I will end up hating myself if I miss out on the next great classis. Yeah right.
Some teens are on a cross country trip. They have an accident and then they get kidnapped by the creepy family. Simple plot, right? Impossible to screw up, right? Wrong!!!
The movie shows the origins of all the people in the remake of the original. That is a pretty cool idea, hey, we get to see how Leatherface came to be, and so it seemed like it would be some cool shit. But no, everything that is explained and shown is nothing great or amazing.
R. Lee Ermy does a great job here, as Sheriff Hoyt. Good role and great performance.
Besides that, there is a lot of dumb shit too. Assuming anyone who sees this will have seen the previous remake, you know all the people who are in that movie, and so when they are shown here, there is never any conflict of who will live and who will die, because we all know, from seeing the remake, that they all live. That takes a lot away from the movie, since we know the outcome, you would have figured they would have put in cool stuff to make up for that but no. There is a Vietnam vet guy, who should have been a bad ass fighter and they could have had a cool battle or something with him and Leatherface, but no, he ends up being a pussy.
There is some cool gore, I'll admit that. A lot was cut for an R rating, but still, good gore. I imagine the inievitable uncut DVD will be neat to see.
Oh yeah, the ending is so fucking stupid, any fan of horror will be able to see it coming waaaaaay before it happens. So fucking retarded to put that in there like that. And, I won't ruin the end, but I will say that when what happens happens, any simpleton can see that how it happened is so far fetched and impossible that it crossed the line from entertaining into dumb.
If this had come before the remake, then it would have been more effective, but overall, since we already knew the end, it just barely passes as a way to show some nifty death scenes.
Another "big: horror movie of the Halloween season is "The Grudge 2". The original "The Grudge" was a remake of a Japanese film and offers further proof as to how people need to stop remaking every movie from Japan. The remake was a horribly boring piece of trash. And yet it made a lot of money, so obviously a sequel had to be made...
Sarah Michelle Gellar is in this for a short while and after her character is gone, the main focus is taken over by her sister. Form there it is anyones guess as to what the fuck is going on. The plot is all over the place. Multiple story lines just go on and on and dude, this shit was boring after a half an hour. The scares are all seen way before they happen and they aren;t scary or even funny. Just dumb. I kept laughing at the movie and the people in front of me were definately sad about that. Oh well. "The Grudge 2" is a mess of a film, switching from nonsense to complete nonsense.
I would like to add that the "creepy little kid" that is in this and about every other Japanese horror movie has been done to death. I'd like to do to them what Anthony Wong does to the kids in The Untold Story. Fuck, this movie is junk, save your money and go to bed early.
Finally, there was nothing else to see at the theatre, so I started to go through all the stuff we got from the Hollywood video VHS sales. First up was "Night Force". This is an 80's action movie starring Linda Blair. The story is about a girl, she gets taken hostage by some terrorists. She is the daughter of a governor and it seems she was kidnapped to get a ransom. Well unfortunately for her, the governor was the guy who helped create the "US does not negotiate for hostages" rule and so they leave her there. Well, her friends don't like that, so the group, led by her boyfriend, set off to South America to save her.
Well, I had real high hopes for this. Action movies in the 80s were gold and this did have a cast of genre actors. Any high hopes I had were quickly dashed as horrible acting, poorly done action scenes and a slow pace bogged down this Red Dawn rip off. There are a few gun battles and a lot of dialogue and one by one the cast dies, but the surviving few must rescue the girl. Oh, it's all very dumb. The scenes that attempt drama and emotion fall flat. Hey, Linda Blair cannot act either. She is at her worst here, hamming it up in her scenes. There is some nudity, so boob fans will be pleased, but then later on, there are crappy rape scenes, so any sexy factor is quickly canceled out. A lackluster battle ends the film and I sighed in relief as I pressed the eject button on my VCR.
So yeah, three bad movies in about three days. Help me!

Crimson Screens has his own bigfoot sighting with "Abominable". And a Cinema Wasteland wrap up...

2006-10-14T13:09:00.000-07:00

Crimson Screens has his own bigfoot sighting with "Abominable". And a Cinema Wasteland wrap up.

Hey! Edward here! I'm back! Let me tell you, surgery is a whole lot of no fun. I know it is to fix things that were wrong, but man, I've been so worn down and tired in the last week. I finally escaped the hospital last Saturday and made it to the Cinema Wasteland convention, if only for a little while. I will talk about that later. I'm going to have some horror movie worthy scars when these wounds heal completely. Word!
First, the other night I saw "Abominable". It is a movie about a sasquatch that is terrorizing the backwoods area of a small town. He messes with a group of hunters, some girls on a retreat and a mad who is recovering from a terrible accident. The set up is pretty cool, as we see some quick glimpses of the sasquatch running through the woods or lurking in the shadows. I am a huge fan of bigfoot based movies and the first few scenes of this movie had my hopes really high, thinking maybe this was going to be a new classic. Lance Henriksen, plays one of the hunters, and he starred in a ton of straight to video bigfoot related movies in the past few years. Well, he is here again. Man, there is a scene where he finds a wounded girl, with her guts spilling out, and he looks at her and says, "I'm sorry, but that's gross!". Hahahaha, oh boy, I was laughing so hard. That way he says it is great. I don't know if it was meant to be funny or not, but it is. Eventually, the sasquatch makes his way through the cast, killing them off one by one, until the two survivors have to escape or die. It is all far from original, that's for sure, but it is fast paced and entertaining. There are even a couple mild scares.
Ok, this was orginally one of those made for tv sci-fi channel original movies, and a lot of those suck big balls, but this one is not bad. A lot of gore and some nudity was added in for the R rated release. In fact, the gore is pretty cool. A man has his throat biten out, another has his face bitten off, a girl is stepped on and smashed by the bigfoot and in the best scene, a completely nude girl is pulled through a real small window. Fantastic!
The creature deisgn is pretty cool, until we see the creatures face. He looks like a retard, for real. In the commentary, I was told, the director said they made him that way to make him somewhat of a sympathetic character, but I don't know. He just looked silly to me.
The cast is filled with genre notables, so the acting isn't too bad. There are a lot of plot holes and silliness. But overall this is a fun ninety minute time waster.
Ok, so I finally escaped the hospital last Saturday evening and I headed down to the Cinema Wasteland convention. To be honest, I didn't care for most of the guests this time around, since I have seen most of them before in one form or another. I did like seeing and talking to the guy from Cannibal Holocaust though. Cool guy. The dealers room was filled with the usualy stuff, epic amounts of horror DVD's and t shirts and anything else you could think of. VHS has been all but eliminated. I remember the days of tables and tables of VHS tapes. Well, those days are gone and they have been replaced by DVD's. I didn't want to spend a small fortune this year, but luckily, I didn't even see anything I really wanted. So I headed to the movie room. Betsy Palmer gave an introduction to Friday the 13th. Cool lady. Skipped out on the movie though, since I have seen it more than enough. Horror Convention Massacre was a movie filmed at last years convention, and it stars lots of people who go to these. It was funny and entertaining, lots of boobs and some shittily done gore. They had some lady with a skimpy outfit and big boobs peddliing copies of this to people, but I can't imagine buying this, as it was fun to watch once, I can't imagine owning it. Anyways, Texas Chainsaw Massacre Two was in another room. Cast introduction or something. Shitty movie. No thanks. Street Trash cast and movie in another room. Great movie. Then I watched something about a professional geek and he was there and he talked about a movie some guy made about him. The guy was actually kind of interesting. Yeah. Later on, Roy Frumkes showed am hour or two of short films, one of which was Swirlee, about a man with an ice cream cone for a head. By far the funniest thing I have seen in a long time. If anyone knows where I can buy this, please email me. Ok, lots more shit played, and then there was some premier of this slasher movie called The Remake. The first fifteen minutes or so of the movie were ok, but it quickly fell apart. Really badly too. But that is when it got fun because everyone watching it starting making fun of it. Some real mean shit too, but I haven't laughed that hard in a long long time. So, I say, watching The Remake was the best part of this years Cinema Wasteland for me. After that I took off because I was tired and sore and I wanted to go to bed and I didn't feel like sitting through four hours of Russ Meyer movies to see some premier of Redsin Tower, which by seeing who made it, I am sure it was full of some scandalous shit.
That is all for this update. Later on this weekend, Crimson Screens staffer Melissa will be doing another Cinema Wasteland update, since she was there all three days, as far as I know. Also, we will have a review of Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning. Out!

Crimson Screens visits Ireland and meets "Rawhead Rex"... Plus, more estrogen!!!

2006-10-04T11:45:00.000-07:00

Crimson Screens visits Ireland and meets "Rawhead Rex"... Plus, more estrogen gallore!!!

Hey all! Melissa here again. Mr. Edward is still recovering in the hospital and he says he will be back tomorrow or the next day so I am free to do another update. Until then, send him get well wishes at: crimsonscreens@yahoo.com Today I will review Rawhead Rex, a favorite horror movie of mine. Also, I will havbe some comments after that so read on!

A long time ago, when I was a little girl, I came home from school on day, Halloween actually, and MTV was showing some day long horror movie expose. This was before the days of the Real World and Pimp My Ride and countless other non music tv shows. This horror movie thing covered all year of horror up to the present day. Does anyone remember this? If someone has it on tape, I would love to get a copy of it. Anyways, one of the movies they talked about was Rawhead Rex. It is about this small town in Ireland who meets some hard time when a farmer accidentally releases Rawhead Rex, and ancient evil creature, from his underground grave. Rawhead Rex proceeds to terrorize the town until a man decides that he has to stop it.
The clips they showed froom this movie were great, showing Rawhead Rex terrorizing a motor home community and other carnage. I immediately had to see this movie and so I got it on video and I have been a fan ever since.
I guess when this was released, it was considered to be complete crap. But this is one of those movies that has aged very well and it really good compared to the garbage horror that is released these days. The Rawhead Rex creature design is so cool. He looks like a seven foot tall cross between a hairless bigfoot, a black metal guy and an alien. He fucks up anyone who gets in his way too. There are many bloody deaths and the special effects work is of the pure 80's gorefest style. There isn't a lot of actual killing, but the aftermath stuff is top notch gore. The only bad thing is that Rawhead Rex's eyes are silly, like glowing swirly hypnotist shit that I thought cheapened the effect of his character. There are some decapitated head, ripped off hands and other similar stuff. Even a few breast shots, if that is your thing. Everything that made horror in the 80's so great is all here.
The acting is pretty average and hokey, but it fits in with the movie pretty well. There are no specific standout performances, but what the actors do is fit in well with what they have to work with.
There is an attempt to deepen the plot with a lot of religious content, but it mostly fails. Hell, this movie is here so we can see a a cool monster kill people for an hour and a half and then be killed in a wild ending, which is filled with light show esque effects.
This movie will definately never be considered a classic but it is great fun, so it is a classic to me. Sure, it is hokey and sometimes dumb, but then again, it is ten times better than any of the last fifty straight to video horror movies I have seen in the last few years. This is adapted from a Clive Barker short story, but apparently he disowned it after it was released. Whatever. If you enjoy cool little monster movies from the 80's, then you will love this.

I work in an office. All of the people I work with are mainly older than me, and no one is into the same stuff as me, movie and music wise, at least. I have a tattoo of Vampira on my arm. Company policy is "no visible tattoos", so to comply with that understandable rule, I wear long sleeve shirts all the time. Well, one time we had a company picnic and it was a come as you are type deal, where you can dress down or whatver, so I did not wear a long sleeve shirt. Some guy says, "Hey nice Elvira tattoo!" I said, "It's not Elvira, it's Vampira!" Anytime I have seen this guy since then, he says, "Hey Elvira girl!" No matter how many times I tell him that is Vampira, he still thinks it is Elvira. It was funny at first. He now calls me Elvira. He often asks me out to the bar after work. One time I said, "Joe, you are married, what do you want to go to the bar with me for?" So he says, "Well, we could get drinks and see what happens from there". What?!?!?!?!?! Joe, I think I should tell your wife what you are up to. I know her. We get our hair done at the same place. But I won't tell. It will be our little secret. So yeah, it's Vampira and not Elvira!!! Get it right or pay the price.

Crimson Screens takes it up the ass with "Hellbent", the worlds first gay slasher movie. Plus, Cinema Wasteland and estrogen galore!!!

2006-10-03T14:39:00.000-07:00

Crimson Screens takes it up the ass with "Hellbent", the worlds first gay slasher movie. Plus, Cinema Wasteland and estrogen galore!!!

Hello all! My name is Melissa and we've got estrogen up in this bitch tonight!!! I got the password and I'm doing the update today. Seriously though, I write occasional reviews for this site and I used to help Mr. Edward with the Crimson Screens fanzine. He is still recovering after his operation and so he asked me to update this since he still has no internet access where he is at. He is recovering well. I am sure he will post again as soon as they move him somewhere that he can have a computer. He says he will be at Cinema Wasteland this weekend if he is feeling up to it, and if he is, then most likely on Saturday.
Send him get well wishes @ crimsonscreens@yahoo.com

Here is a review he emailed me last week, to post in case he was unable to get to the internet. After the review, I will write some stuff, so please read on...

Hellbent
Ok, so it's the night before Halloween and two gay guys are murdered. The next night there is a big festival and a group of gay guys decides to go and it seems the killer from the night before has set his sights on them. I guess this was a novel idea, making the characters of a random slasher movie gay, but once you look past the fact that they are all gay, there really isn't much left here besides a shitty slasher movie.
The script is average. It is not completely horrible, but its on par with any random piece of shit straight to video slasher movie. The acting pretty much sucks too and the characters are, I guess, eye candy if your thing is shirtless guys. If you are straight, then I guess you are out of luck.
There is a decent amount of blood and gore, but it doesn't help anything. Every now and then, I would just think, "Oh another death", but as soon as the bloodshed stopped, the movie was right back to the way it was before. And I don't mean that the death scenes are anything really noteworthy, in fact, all they do is bring you out of boredom just a bit.
What little momentum the movie had going, completely falls apart at the end. The killer is a total letdown and actually quite dumb. We get no explanation as to why any of this took place. Terrible ending to a terrible movie.
I did read up a little about this on various websites and it seems that gay people label it as some breakout horror movie and straight people think it is a piece of shit. In fact, it seems a lot of gay cinema is instantly labeled breakout or superb, just because it has gay characters or gay themes. To me, that is stupid as fuck. If this movie was with straight characters, it would pass under the radar (gaydar?) and no one would give it a second look. Yet, since it has gay characters, it plays in film festivals and is surrounded by a bunch of hoopla. Well, shit is shit and this film is shit with gay characters. And shit will still be shit whether the characters are gay or not. As I said earlier, terrible movie.

Hey, I'm back! This is Melissa back with you. This weekend is the big Cinema Wasteland fall show. To me, Cinema Wasteland is the best horror convention. They always have a good mixup with guests each time, because it does get old seeing the same fucking people at every show. I think I was sick of seeing Tom Savini about five years ago. Don't get me wrong, great guy, but enough is enough with him for a while. Of course, he is back this year, but for a 25 anniversary reunion for the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. There will also be a Street Trash reunion. I'm very excited for that. Oh shit, they got a guy from Cannibal Holocaust this year. Hopefully he will have some good stories and not have "forgotten" everything from that period of his life.
Of course, there is some shit I am bored to death with at these shows:
- tables of faux "scream queens" selling piles of shit movies, semi naked pictures and other crap. Hey, I'm all for nudity and hot girls, but I think they should get some more talented ones rather than the nameless, talentless ones who I always see there. And they should also sit there with their tops off, because, as much as they kid themselves that it is not the reason, their big tits are the only reason anyone pays attention to them.
- a table of Living Dead Dolls piled sky high. I hate those things. I can't even say why. One year, the one guy who makes them bought be drinks at the bar, so that was cool, but all the drinks in the world won't make me like those things.
- people who have no personal hygiene- horror conventions seem to be the only place I go to these days that you will walk by someone who smells like they haven't showered in a week. Ugh, it's especially bad when you get trapped behind them while walking through the dealers room.
- they do have a lot of good movies listed on the page of stuff that they will be showing in the screening rooms. i love the in person commentaries and stuff, but i hate the people who ask the same dumb fucking questions every single time. ask tom savini who is the hottest scream queen he has banged, but dont ask him how was it working with george romero?
- the people who put this on should get a temporary liquor liscense and sell their own stuff, because the prices last time at the bar were too high for three nights of hard drinking. i think ill smuggle some goodies in, like i often see a lot of people doing. also, if you are a cute boy and you want to buy me a drink, you can find me at the bar or wandering around. i have long black hair with a blue streak going through it. Just yell, "Hey you bitch!" and I'll gladly talk to you. You had better apoligize for calling me a bitch though.
That is all for this update. I have a review to update with tomorrow and I am sure Mr. Edward will be back before you know it.

Crimson Screens and the most misleading title ever for a horror series, "Masters Of Horror"...

2006-09-30T08:54:00.000-07:00

Crimson Screens and the most misleading title ever for a horror series, "Masters Of Horror"...

Ok, before I get started I want to say that Monday morning I am getting surgery to help fix a problem I am having and so all week, I will be bed ridden while I recover. I will review a lot of movies, post a lot of opinions and talk about random stuff during that time. So I am hoping to get at least five updates done during that time. I hope people enjoy it and I hope I recover quickly, as I am not a big fan of sitting in bed all day. I'm a bit nervous about this surgery, but if all goes well, I will be on my way to being a lot healthier when it is all done. So I guess that is worth a little bit of being nervous.
Also, I know a lot of my reviews kind of put down a lot of the movies, but hey, I review what I see and if I see shit, then I report shit. So there!
Anyways, onto todays big review...
The Masters Of Horror series was announced by showtime, as a series of hour long films, all directed my legendary directors in the horror genre. Obviously fans were quite excited, as they did get a lot of directors who have previously made some real great movies. Well, the series was hyped up all real nice and big and then it finally premiered and oh boy, what a mess it was...
Episode 1- Incident On And Off A Mountain Road- directed by Don Coscarelli- about a lady and her boyfriend, there is a car accident and then they meet some creepy old guy and there is a giant killer stalking everyone. It started out pretty good, but by the end, it devolved into a generic cat and mouse game, with a semi twist ending that wasn't shocking or very surprising. Next!
Episode 2- Dreams In The Witch House- directed by Stuart Gordon- a student rents a room in a mysterious house and soon enough, he is questioning his own sanity. A lot of weird shit goes on in this room, and I will admit that some of the scenes are pretty creeoy and there is some good suspsense, but overall, it isn't too exciting at all. Next!
Episode 3- Dance Of The Dead- directed by Tobe Hooper- Oh boy, this was by and far the worst entry in this series, about some weird underground show where corpses are made to dance around on stage. Sound dumb? Well it is! In fact, it's a huge steaming pile of shit and it's poorly acted, directed and shot. If the phrase "I'd rather watch paint dry" was ever going to be used again, now would be a good time. A complete and utter waste of time, money, etc. Next!
Episode 4- Jennifer- directed by Dario Argento- a cop witnesses a woman about to be killed, he saves her, feels bad for her, falls for her and chaos ensues. This one has a lot of gore, including a gross cock biting scene, and a lot of nudity and sex scenes, so that is all there, if that's what you want. The story is completely routine and you can see the twist ending coming waaaaaay before it does. Also, this is about twenty minutes too long, as if he ran out of ideas. Oh well, the actress who plays Jennifer is hot, not counting her face, and we see her naked a lot, but hey, that doesn't cover up the dull nature of this episode. Next!
Episode 5- Chocolate- directed by Mick Garris- I took a six hour nap right before I watched this and somehow I still managed to fall asleep during it. Boring and completely uninteresting. How is Mick Garris a master of horror? If he can be a master of horror, then I want to be one too! Right. Next!
Episode 6- Homecoming- directed by Joe Dante- a political horror piece about what would happen if all the dead soldiers from the war came back and wanted to have a say in what goes on. Good idea. Poorly done. In fact, once the soliders all are back, it kind of slips into silliness. Not good silliness either, like the director is capable of doing, but dumb silliness, like why the fuck am i still watching this silliness. Next!
Episode 7- Deer Woman- directed by John Landis- a cop gets a weird call and he soon finds out that perhaps a mytholigical nature creature is not exactly a myth. I liked this episode alot. It is completely stupid and silly, but in a good way, unlike Homecoming. There are some good jokes and some good gore and its all well acted and directed. It's complete camp, but it's well done. I'll watch it again and then say, Next!
Episode 8- Cigarette Burns- directed by John Carpenter- a movie theatre owner hunts down a movie so bizarre that it alledgedly makes anyone who view it go crazy. Was it called masters of horror? Because 99% of this series has been driving me crazy. This one is kind of good, a little suspense, but it't far from a classis or anything that you would ever want to see again. Also, I thought the ending was a bit of a letdown, considering all the build up.
Episode 9- The Fair Haired Child- directed by William Malone- This guy made some cool movies earlier in his career, but lately he has directed complete crap. I did not see this episode, as I was on vacation when it aired. Next!
Episode 10- Sick Girl- directed by Lucky McKee- this episode is weird, dealing with a girl and her obsessions, and I think it goes good with the directors other work, May. The acting is good, even from the usually horrible Misty Mundae. But this is entertaining and builds up to a decent ending. Props nigga! Next!
Episode 11- Pick Me Up- directed by Larry Cohen- dude has made some classic movies. This isn't one of them, but this is a good entry in this series. It's about someone caught in the battle between two serial killers. It is very well acted and directed. Next!
Episode 12- Haeckel's Tale- directed by John McNaughton- oooooh, the director of Henry, how could this not be good? It also has super cool character actor Jon Polito, so I thought it was going to be great. It wasn't great but it is good. It was based on a Clive Barker short story, and I guess it goes along the lines of the gothic horror of candyman and hellraiser, but it isn't as good as those two. I did like it though. Top 3 place indeed. Next!
Episode 13- Imprint- directed by Takashi Miike- ok, this wasn't even shown on TV because Showtime are pussies and they didn't like some of the stuff in it, but I guess they are run by retards because all you have to do is look at the directors other works, to see that he doesn't usually deal in light subject matter. Whatever. Don't hire someone to do their job and then get all mad and gay when they do it. Showtimes sucks. This episode is by far, the best entry in the series, in my opinion. It is creepy, weird and disturbing. Not the directors best work, but it embarasses all the other entries. It is available on DVD, so see it!
Ok, the master of horror series was a total let down. For people who are apparently masters of their craft, and that is highly debatable looking at some of the names, you think they would have managed more than four good episodes out of thirteen. In fact, some of these were just plain awful and a complete waste of time. Like Tobe Hooper, what the fuck dude? You made The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, a classic. Then you made a couple Ok movies, but for the most part your work for the twenty years follwing Texas Chainsaw Massacre is a big pile of garbage. He redeemed himself slighly with the Toolbox Murders remake, but then he ruined with an awful tv movie right after that. But by and far, his worst work ever, is right here in this series. Dude, your episode sucked and I do not see how anyone could have watched that and been like, "Wow man, now there is the work of a legend!" Stuart Gordon is capable of great work too, yet his stuff here is a lot of crap with a few cool parts thrown in for effect. The same goes for most of the other episodes. Since this is supposedly the work of "masters", I find it pretty sad that nothing here, for the most part, is even good much less classic. Next!

Crimson Screens witnesses the horror of "Anthropophagus: The Grim Reaper"...

2006-09-29T16:47:00.000-07:00

Crimson Screens witnesses the horror of "Anthropophagus: The Grim Reaper"...

Ok, I have been mega sick lately and so I have had a lot of time to lay in bed and catch up with some movies. This coming Monday, I have surgery, and after that I will have about another week to catch up on more movies. I do get side tracked a lot of the time with certain TV shows on DVD, but I will try to keep that to a minimum this week and post a lot of reviews. Hopefully this surgery will help end some current problems I have going on. So let's hope for the best, ok?
The other night, I wasn't particularly tired, just worn down, you know? Someone was nice enough to send me a copy of the new DVD release of "Anthropophagus: The Grim Reaper". I had seen this a long time ago, and it had basically faded from memory, which was not a good sign, but I remember when I was growing up, it was one of the "must see" titles, mainly because of its place on that sometimes extremely misleading video nasties list.
This one is about a group of people on a vacation, first on a boat and then on an uninhabited island. I already have complaints, so here we go. Absolutely nothing happens while the characters are on the boat. They just sit around and talk about stuff that I didn't care about and actually none of what they talked had anything to do with the movie. It was just like listening to a group of random people who you have never met talk about bullshit. Real boring. Ok, well they finally get to this island and it just happens to be abandoned. They walk around the island forever talking about more bullshit. And soon enough, haha, well actually not soon enough, a weird disfigured man shows up to kill them all in horrible ways. The stupidity continues because whenever one person is killed, the others walk around looking for them. And they walk around looking for the missing person forever. I bet if you edited out all the pointless dialogue and the endless scenes of people walking around, this movie would be about fifteen minutes long. Ugh.
Ok, so this guy is killing them all off, and he is played by George Eastman, star of many Italian horror movies and also star of many porn movies. He is a tall and big man and his character is kind of imposing, with his disfigured face. So I guess that was a plus. Also, there are a few decent scenes, not neccessarily scary, but more neat ways of how the killer lurks around or gets into a house.
This movie has a lot of noteriety surrounding it, due to the supposed over the top gore. Yeah right, the gore here is very poorly done. The infamous fetus eating scene is just stupid and not gross or anything at all. Also, the editing sucks, so they cut away from a lot of the gore a lot quicker than you think they would have, had you see any of director Joe D'Amatos movies. At the end, the killer is disemboweled, and in the most absurd scene in a long time, he eats parts of his intestines before he finally expires.
Oh trust me, this all sound a lot better than it plays. In fact, this movie is dreadfully boring, even when most of the kills are taking place. There is bad acting all over the place and, as I said before, the effects work is shitty at best.
Director Joe D'Amato has made countless other movies, a few better than this, but most just as bad or worse. If you must see one of his movies, I recommend Buio Omega, which is a very well done movie that deals in all sorts of weird stuff. It is competently made, interesting and well acted. But this one, stay away from it. It sucks. If you must see it, rent it. I cannot find any reason to buy this though.
On a side note, this movie was placed on the video nasty list in the late 80s. I say that had it not been on that list, no one would care about it and it would have been forgotten as just another shitty slasher movie. In fact, there are a lot of movies on that list, that are complete shit and the only reason anyone talks about them is because they are on that list. There are even some titles on there that would hardly get an R these days. Incredible.
So yeah, don't see Anthropophagus. It is a terrible movie and a waste of your time.

Crimson Screens tries to solve the mystery of "The Black Dahlia"... and more podcast news...

2006-09-16T06:49:00.000-07:00

Crimson Screens tries to solve the mystery of "The Black Dahlia"... and more podcast news...

Ok, I was semi excited for this movie. Not because of the hip name stars that are in it and not because I care about the actual Black Dahlia case. I was excited for it because it was directed by Brian DePalma, director of a lot of great movies. He made Carrie, the best Stephen King adaptation, in my opinion. Also, he directed Scarface, which in the last few years has become a huge money machine, with toys, tshirts, posters and everything else imaginable made based around the characters. I mean, you can't go out in public without seeing some faux gangster wearing a Scarface shirt. But hey, it's a good movie. He also made some personal favorites of mine, Body Double and The Untouchables. And don't forget Casualties Of War, one of the best war movies there is. So, when I saw this was directed by him, I knew I would see it.
Well, the first thing that threw me off was that a lot, and I mean alot, of this movie doesn't really even deal with the case. A lot of it involves the characters involved in it more than it involves the actual case. Second, the movie has some big name actors in it, which could be ok. Scarlett Johannson is here. She is sort of acclaimed actress, but I don't think she would be so acclaimed if her boobs weren't so big. I think her work here is dry and not too exciting. She does have talent, see Lost In Translation, but I do think she is overrated.
A lot of the reviews I have read for this mention its film noir style, and I do agree with that. And it is visually pretty cool at time, but there is something missing. It moves from being exciting and interesting to dreadfully boring and plain. But what I noticed most was that it uses the Black Dahlia mystery as a backdrop for another story and I guess I didn't even expect it to be soley about the Black Dahlia, but sometimes that mix takes away from the movie. I won't lie. Sometimes I hated this movie, but then there would be a cool scene or two and I would be like, "Hey, this is kind of cool!"
There are a few grisly scenes, but the violence is not the point here.
Overall, this ends up being in the middle of Brian DePalma's work. It is definately not a classic, but it isn't horrible either. It is a noble attempt, but sometimes it falls short. I give it a C.
On another note, horror movie season starts soon, with a new Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie and a new Saw movie and some other ones that I am forgetting. I'm hopiing at least one of those will be good.
I am still addicted to podcasts. My current favorite is Night Of The Living podcast. It is both informative and funny at the same time. The Pickled Embryo is another good one, lots of jokes and they talk about a lot of the more underground stuff sometimes, which is always good with me. The Infested Sound is a good one too, and it has switched to the VideoCast format a couple few months ago. I think that is good, but I miss the old hour long shows and the stuff that came with them, the extended movie reviews and Four Minutes With Phil. Mondo Movie is another good one, more informative than funny. it takes a while to get used to the British acccent, but that isn't too hard to get over.
Ok, I will be back soon with more video reviews from the archives.

Crimson Screens is horrified at "Snakes On A Plane"...

2006-09-05T10:45:00.000-07:00

Crimson Screens is horrified at "Snakes On A Plane"...

This movie had some amazing levels of hype built up around it in the months prior to its release. It had ultra "hip" movie star Samuel L. Jackson in it and a nifty, retarded yet catchy title. It didn't even promise to be a great movie, in fact, it promised to be a ridiculous thrill movie. Hype hype hype hype hype.
This movie was dumb. Any movie that tries to be marketed as a cult classic, is bound to fail miserably. Cult classics aren't made. They are created over time. To me, that is something you can't force or try and create, it just happens on it's own. Well, this movie tried to do a lot and ultimately it failed at everything. Yeah, there are a lot of deadly snakes on a plane and yeah there are boobs and yeah there is violence. But you know, the snakes effects are a whole lot of bad, the boobs are nothing great and the violence isn't nearly what you would expect. The movie promised all this shit, gore and blood and action, and while there is all of that stuff, none of it is as over the top as all the bullshit hype around this movie would have led you to believe.
And there is a stupid catch phrase to this movie, which I won't repeat because I'm sick to death of it. But every dumb asshole in the theatre felt the need to yell it out from ten minutes prior to the start of the movie and all the way through on the way out of the theatre. It's not even funny when the character says it, much less some retard in the theatre. Annoying. I take points off of my review of this just for that too.
The only part that I thought was funny was when the snake bit the guys dick.
Besides that, this movie is some overhyped bullshit that I am glad to see is not doing too well at the theatre.
And while I'm at it, The Wicker Man, the remake, is a piece of shit too. And so was Pulse. At least Pulse had potential, but it was ruined something fierce. The Wicker Man is another remake of a movie which kind of sucked to begin with and they go to all the trouble to remake it and they can't even come up with anything better than the original. How fukcing stupid is that? Ok, this week we get The Covenant. No, it's not a movie about the third Morbid Angel record. It's a dopey looking teeny bopper movie which looks like a rip off of The Craft. Advance word is that its a complete pile, so yeah, I'll go ahead and say skip it.
E

Crimson Screens wonders, "Which is worse, Miami Vice or Pinata: Survival Island?"...

2006-08-07T09:24:00.000-07:00

Crimson Screens wonders, "Which is worse, Miami Vice or Pinata: Survival Island?"...

Hey there! When Miami Vice was originally out on TV, it was considered to be a new cutting edge TV show. I did not watch the original run because I was into other things at the time, but now the first two seasons are available on DVD, and I have become a huge fan of the huge. For some reason I had always though it to be a hokey 80's action tv show, maybe like the Pacific Blue of the 80s. I was wrong though, and while there is some hokiness and silliness, most of the plot lines are great drama and some episodes, like season one's "Evan", even make you a little sad. So obviously, since this movie was announced, I was really excited, since I had recently gotten way into the TV show. I thought the casting was filled with A+ choice and the director couldn't have been a better pick. I saw this the day it opened and I am sad to say that I was highly disappointed.
The plotline loosely follows season one story arc "Smuggler's Blues", but it doesn't follow too closely, so the movie is able to go in it's own direction. Basically, evil drug lords are at work and Crockett and Tubbs set out to find them. And when secret FBI informants are killed, the stakes are raised.
Crockett is played by Colin Farrell I think he does a terrible job. His acting is flat and he has none of the witty talk or character that Don Johnson had in the TV show. Jaimie Foxx plays Tubbs and he is an extremely capable actor and he does an OK job here. I guess I was disappointed because the characters don't seem to interact too well. Cockett just seems all sad and bummed out the whole time. And when the two characters talk, all the livelyhood from the TV series is completely lost in favor of "serious" dialogue. What the fuck?
Michael Mann directed this and I know he is an extremely capable director. But something is missing here. The film opens with a fantastic shootout at a dock, which shows very realistically what a .50 cal bullet does to a human being, but besides that, there is absolutley minimal action until the end shootout. Im not joking either. There is one explosion, which is suspisciously CGI, and then there is a lot of racing around in cool cars, clumsily directed sex scenes and dialogue. I'm not kidding when I say that there was more action in one of the TV series episodes. And the end shootout is a complete disappointment, especially after all the build up. And Michael Mann directed Heat, which had a fnatastic shootout, and this one is just crap compared to that.
A few neat things were spotting people I have seen in other better things. The Russian at the beginning was in a few episodes of NYPD Blue. Dominic Lombardozzo, from OZ and The Wire, has a decetn part as a cop. And Tom Towles, from Henry: Portrait Of A Serial Killer and NYPD Blue, has a decent role as a mean white supremecist guy.
I had such high hopes for this. But unfortunately the summer action blockbuster of the year fizzles out early on and never regains any steam.
next, we move on to Pinata: Survival Island. This is a horror cheapie about a group of kids who have a party, break open a Pinata and unleash an evil demon who had been trapped in the Pinata. Sound silly? Well, it gets much worse.
The characters spend the first half of the movie trying to figure out what is going on and then when they do figure it out, they spend the rest of the time running away from the creature.
And oh boy, what a creature it is! It looks like a twenty foot tall lava monster and we see some scenes through his eyes in a Predator-esque screen, and he crashes through the woods running after the kids. It makes no sense though. One scene will show the monster, who is huge, hiding behind a tree, growling and making stomping sounds and roaring, and then we see the kids looking for the monster, who is really only five feet away. How the fuck could they not hear that? How come one scene shows one of the characters being strangled by the monster, as he holds him high above his friends, all the time roaring away, sounding like a fleet of trains, and yet, the kids can't hear any of this?!?!?! What the fuck?
The acting is terrible. Even from Jaimie Pressley, who has become somewhat of a respectable acrtess I guess. This is awful. The death scenes are filled with terrible special effects and edited in a quick cut style that is lame and keeps up from seeing what is going on.
The best thing I have read about this mess is that after the movie was completed, the CGI of the monster was added, because the original footage of the monoster, which at the time was a man in a moonster suit, was deemed not scary enough. I would love to see that footage, since they picked this shot over that, the orginal stuff must be comedy gold.
Ok, this is a terrible movie where everything that can be bad about a movie is present and accounted for here.
Next issue, I promise a positve review... Pulse comes out Friday and I have heard good things, but the PG-13 rating leaves me very weary.
And I would like to give note to UtterTrash blog and The Infested Sound podcast for the nice support they give me on this page of mine. Thank you!

Crimson Screens witnesses "The Descent"...

2006-08-04T11:40:00.001-07:00

Crimson Screens witnesses "The Descent"...

I was pretty excited to see this movie, as I have read some positive things about it in the last few months. So it came out today and I went to see it...
It is about a group of six women who are heading out on a cave explortation trip. I guess it is supposed to be a bonding trip or something since one of them loses their daughter is a nasty car accident that opens the film. Well off they go into the cave. Soon enough they hear weird noises and see strange things and before you know it, they are stuck! Oh shit! It turns out that one of the women has made a huge error in judgement and now being stuck is even worse than they thought. And then strange creatures appear and things just get worse.
Ok, first, I would like to say whoever has been comparing this movie to "Alien" is a fucking retard. Just because a movie features a group of people stranded in a remote area, does not warrant comparisions to "Alien". I think every dumb asshole who works for a movie company wants to hurry up and throw another movie title on the poster so people are like, "Oh man, it's the new Alien! I have to see that!" Well only a moron would fall for that. How about letting a movie stand on it's own?
Anyway, the first hour or so of this movie is a build up to the inevitable arrival of the creatures. There is a lot of attempted character development too, so I guess you are supposed to care about the characters a lot when the bad stuff starts happening, but I really did not.
Once the chaos begins, the women are attacked by leech looking creatures that seemingly eat everything in their way. The creature designs are really cool, not too over the top. There is a lot of gore and splattering blood, but since the carnage takes place in a cave, it is minimally lit, so sometimes, someone may be dying horribly, but it doesn't neccessarily mean we will see it very clearly. There is a lot fo screaming and thrashing around too. Ha. Some of the gore highlights include throats ripped out, a neck slashing, a gross broken leg, eyes gouged out, climbing tools in the neck, climbing tools in the leg, climbing tools in the head and lots more.
The acting here is not bad, but it isn't amazing or anything. The lead actress looks a lot cooler covered in blood and rampaging through the cave than she does as a normal person, thats for sure.
The movie is paced pretty well, with not too many slow spots and there are actually a few decent scares throughout the film.
The one thing that pisses me off the most was one of the characters is revealed to be a total piece of shit, completely fucking over everyone (watch and you will see) and we wait the whole movie to watch her die and then when that times comes, we don't even get to see it! What the fuck?!?!?! We hear it, but no see. Stupid. She was annoying, shitty and a complete backstabber. I would have paid an extra $5 just to see her die.
My only other qualm with this movie is that at the very very end, there is a stupid "oh shit it's not over!" thing tacked on and those ending bug me, so I will deduct a few nice point for that slap in the face. I mean, the movie ended just fine, and then they have to go and put that on, like they are saying, "Hey asshole! You suck! Thanks for watching and we hope you loved this dumbass ending!"
But besides those two things, the movie isn't terrible. Hell, at least it isn't rated PG-13. I was going to give it a B, but now it get's a C, for the two things I talked about.
Not bad, but not good and there are much worse things you could do with your time. You know the deal...
Next update will include an angry Miami Vice review and some more horror stuff. Stay tuned...

Crimson Screens wonders, "Where are all the horror movies?"

2006-07-30T08:15:00.000-07:00

Crimson Screens wonders, "Where are all the horror movies?"

Hey there!
So, horror movies are big again. All it takes it one little horror movie to make a lot of money and the greed begins and soon enough we get a new horror movie every Friday. But even though there is an abundance of horror movies, it doesn't mean that they are all good.
Let's review some of the ones I have seen this year:
The Hills Have Eyes- I did miss this in the theatres but I would thoroughly entertained when I watched it on DVD. The original is a boring piece of shit though and I'm glad they made a better picture without repeating the mistakes the first one made.
The Fog- Haha, they did a remake that was even worse than the original. What a bunch of losers. The fact that the original Fog was a dreaful mess, even makes it more obnoxious that the remake was so bad. Pathetic.
An American Haunting- Even though I was warned by numerous people to skip this, I had to see for myself. Oooops! Big mistake. This was a horrible movie. In fact, the creepiest thing about it was Donald Sutherland, but not because he was acting creepy, but more because he is a dirty old man at this point. Skip it! Also, the ending was complete horse shit.
The Exorcism Of Emily Rose- Well, the trailer for this looked great. Too bad the movie was a X-Files version of Law and Order. Dumb.
The Omen- I don't know how long this was, probably about two hours, but it seemed at least twice as long. Another pointless remake. Also, stars Julia Stiles, who I hate. Her catlike features, annoying voice and waifish frame completely distracted me and made me hate this movie even more than I would have had she not been in it. I would like to see her eaten by a shark though...
See No Evil- I don't see any evil and I don't see a good movie either. It promised a lot of graphic violence and it kind of deleivered that, with lots of nasty scenes of eyes pulled out of screaming victims heads. But, the acting was pretty bad and it fell right in with any random slasher movie of the past. It did have a quick weirdo scene of a little boy playing with himself. But I was sad because I wanted to see the girl get eaten by those dogs. No such luck though. The first time I saw this, it was entertaining, but its rewatchability is nonexistant.
Cry Wolf- Terrible piece of shit. No gore, no nudity, no action and a former hair rock superstar as the lead actor. Yikes!
The Lady In The Water- Oh man, M. Knight Shamalamalamalamalamalan, he made Unbreakable. I love that movie. Signs wasn't too bad either. But remember how at the end of The Village and the big twist was revealed and you wanted to shoot yourself in the head because it was so dumb. Well, I felt like that through most of this entire movie. It's a childrens fantasy movie thinly disguised as a horror movie and it sucks big time. Even super talented Paul Giamati can't say this.
That is all I can think of for now, but you get the point. The Descent comes out next week and I have high hopes for that, but part of me won't be surprised if it sucks. I thought Slither was going to be an updated version of Slugs, but it wasn't. it wasn't even a good movie on its own. In fact, its more proof that special effects aren't all that is needed to make a good movie.
Yes, I'm disgruntled. Because I love horror movies. But it's hard to not be sad when nine out of ten horror movies come out are terrible wastes of time.
Oh well...
Next update soon... Pinata: Survival Island...

Crimson Screens is "Running Scared"...

2006-07-11T07:16:00.000-07:00

Crimson Screens is "Running Scared"...

Ok, Paul Walker, he's a seemingly cool dude. He's been in a lot of moderately successful movies over the past ten years or so. Hollywood has been trying to make him the next big action star for some time. Most of those attempts didn't really work out. Then he chose to do this, a movie which in my opinion, is his best work so far.
He plays a member of a gang, and after a shooting, he is given the simple task to get rid of a gun. Well, he doesn't do it fast enough and a kid gets a hold of the gun and things quickly spiral out of control.
The acting in this is superb, especially from Paul Walker. He drops the pretty boy routine and does quite a good job as a caring father. I'm telling you, great stuff here.
The movie opens and closes with two spectacular shoot outs. Heads explode, crotches are shot, with bullets and bodies everywhere. There is also random violence, to a lesser extent, spread throughout the movie. Our hero even takes multiple hockey pucks to the head near the end, in the most painful scene I can recall seeing in a long time. There is no shortage of blood here, so if that's what you are looking for, then you have found it here.
This movie deals a lot with the seedier side of life, hookers and pimp and drug dealers and gangsters and I think it carries across the dirty feeling quite well. Almost every character is a degenerate or a scumbag in some way or another and the movie does a fantastic job of showing it.
There is a scene a little over halfway through, that takes place in the house of two parents and it's in their colorful house where something shady might be going on, and let me tell you, that is by far the most surreal thing I've seen in a long time. Once you see it, you will know what I'm talking about.
Ok, this movie is well acted, paced and scripted. What could have been a simple cat and mouse chase for the entire course of the movie, is really a cat and mouse chase with a lot of cool twists and turns and surprises to keep you completely interested until the end of the movie. I give it an A+

Crimson Screens has eyes... and we use them to watch "The Hills Have Eyes"...

2006-06-27T06:58:00.000-07:00

Crimson Screens has eyes... and we use them to watch "The Hills Have Eyes"...

Hey! Sorry about taking so long to update, but as I previously said, relocating to another part of the country takes up a lot of time. Plus, once I got home, I visited a lot of people I haven't seen for a long time and hanging out with friends and such.
Anyway, I did have time to check out the newly released unrated DVD special edition of the recent horror remake for The Hills Have Eyes. I did not see this in theatres because when it was there, most of my time was filled with obligations and stuff like that which took up all of my time. So I can't compare the R rated version to the unrated version, but its safe to say that the unrated one will have more gory goodies and other offensive stuff which was taken out for theatres. That is usually the case anyways.
Ok, I won't ignore the original The Hills Have Eyes status as a semi legendary movie, a stepping stone for a director soon moving on to greater things and Michael Berryman sure had an impressive presence. But the original, to me, was always slowly paced and really boring in a lot of spots. So the chance to remake it provides the chance for the film makers to improve on the faults of the first film.
I am happy to say that this film succeeds in not only being an entertaining movie, but it surpasses the original in every possible way. The acting is better, the effects are waaaaay better, the pace is improved upon way more than I had even hoped, the bad guys are better and overall the movie was more exciting. I do wish Michael Berryman was here because that's a cool guy, but we can't have everything we want here, right?
Ok, a family is traveling through the desert and a shady gas station attendant sends them off in the wrong direction and soon enough, an accident disables their car and they are stranded. Things get worse when various family members leave to try and find help.
Some scenes are reused from the original, but a lot of this is new and completely reimagined, which I like. More background is given on the desert mutants and I liked that a lot. It definitely made them seem more human and even slightly sympathetic, even though they were, for the most part, complete dirtbags.
The gore here is amazing. There is a shotgun head detonation that outdoes the one in the opening of Dawn Of The Dead. There is mucho axe and pick axe violence. Bloody gun shot wounds. Throats torn out. And tons more. It is all here. Fans of gore will definitely be pleased.
Also, I like the monster make ups. Very original and realistic.
Another thing I liked about this was Ted Levine as the dad. He was Buffalo Bill in The Silence Of The Lambs. He has a very distinctive voice. I thought he added some character to this movie. Also, Billy Drago was one of the mutants and even though he isn't in this a whole lot, seeing his name made me smile because that guy was creepy when he was on the X-Files.
Finally, the DVD case that this comes in is the coolest DVD case I have seen in a long time. It comes covered in this plastic and under it is fake blood that moves around when you move the case around. Very cool.
This movie is fast paced and entertaining. It is way better than the original. For a fun and entertaining movie, I say, see The Hills Have Eyes!
Next issue, will be a triple feature. I am not sure of what exactly yet, but it will be here in the next few days. Also, since I have returned home, work has continued on the Crimson Screens book, but more on that later.
Out.

Crimson Screens takes a field trip to "Wolf Creek" and unfortunately decides to make a stop at the "Motor Home Massacre"...

2006-06-18T05:10:00.000-07:00

Crimson Screens takes a field trip to 'Wolf Creek" and unfortunately decides to make a stop at the "Motor Home Massacre"...

Hey! Sorry it has been a while without an update. Relocating to another part of the country sure eats up a lot of your time! But I'm getting settled and maximum movie time is on the horizon.
Anyways, onto the movies...
Wolf Creek is a little Australian film which was the subject of a bidding war after it was screened in various film festivals. Some "big name" Hollywood people hailed it as the scariest thing since the Texas Chainsaw Massacre and the leader of the new breed of horror movies. Well, "big name" Hollywood people's opinions don't mean much so me, so I decided to see for myself.
A group of three travelers, one guy and two girls, are travelling through the Austrralian outback and they visit Wolf Creek, an area where a meteor once landed and which is now supposedly the site of alien activity. Well, we get no alien activity. But we do get a car that mysteriously won't start. Someone comes along, a seemingly cool dude, and off they go to get their car fixed. Luckily for us, and unfortunately for the travellers, things are about to take a nasty turn for the worse.
Ok, first I must say that the guy who playes the bad guy here, John Jarret, he is one of the best onscreen bad guys that I have seen in a while. There is this scene where he shows how, in Vietnam, people were disabled but kept alive so information couldf still be retrieved from them. That scene is so subtle yet mean spirited, I will say that it holds its own against anything in a classic such as Last House On The Left. The scene is made even more disturbing by who it happens to, especially after all they have been through up to that point. Fantastic! Besides that, that guy, his whole aura is scary, once he reveals who he really is. I was loving it. There is another scene with all the characters sitting around a camp fire and that guy looks at the male traveller after he makes a potentially offensive comment, and the look he gives, it part joking and part scary and all menacing and it is by and far the best mean mugging scary look of the last decade.
The rest of the cast is sufficient, capable of their tasks as well, but the bad guy, I give him an A+.
A lot of people complained that the first half of the movie was bad because not a whole lot happens, just the travelers travelling and talking and doing things and being who they are. That is true, but in my opinion, it is some fantastic buildup to an amazing second half. In fact, I did not find the first half boring, but if you do, I say that it is worth sitting through just to see the amazing second half. This is my favorite horror movie in the last few years. A+!!!
On the other hand, Motor Home Massacre, is a perfect subject to the amazing ability of a good editor. The trailer for this one made it look so cool, like bloody version of Just Before Dawn perhaps. And since trailers are supposed to make you want to see the movie, this one succeeds on all levels. But it is the only thing that succeeds about this movie. I'm glad I only rented this one! Some kids, who are all absolutely horrible actors and actresses, take a motor home for a trip into the woods. Someone starts killing them. Yay!
First, this movie opens with a tent sex murders, which is replayed later on. It isn't even really switched around but rather just replayed with added nudity. The kill special effects aren't special at all, just blood splattered on people and a laughable machete into the tent effect where half the time the machete doesn't even break through the tent. Ugh! The acting gets worse too, especially at the end. Oh yeah, there is a scene where someone gets an arm and a leg chopped off and it is so horribly edited and acted out and oh yeah, I watched half this shit on fast forward because it really was no possible to sit through this whole thing without stabing myself in the head with a fork.
It baffles me how this was released by Lions Gate, who releases a lot of the namer brand horror titles in theatres. I would have expected to see a Troma logo on the DVD case somewhere, but then again, Lloyd Kaufman probably saw this and said, "Hey, fuck that piece of shit! It's horrible!" I would have to agree with him one hundred percent.
Out...

"When A Stranger Calls"... Crimson Screens Doesn't Answer...

2006-06-10T14:50:00.000-07:00

"When A Stranger Calls"... Crimson Screens Doesn't Answer

This is a remake of a horror film from them late 70's and I have not seen the original so I won't compare them, but I can say, that after viewing this, the original would surely have to be a masterpiece in comparison. It follows the same plot of a babysitter getting strange phone calls, she calls the police and they find out that the calls are coming from inside the house! Ooooooh scary!
It opens with a family being killed, intercut with scenes from am amusement park. Then the film skips to 120 miles away, where a girl, Jill, is having boyfriend troubles and parent troubles. Soon she is about to be having phone troubles and even sooner, the viewer will be having headache troubles.
Her dad sets her up to babysit for a family at their remote lakeside house. Hey, the house is amazing. It even has an indoor pond and bird sanctuary. Soon enough, mysterious calls begin and the terror begins. Actually no terror ever begins. The lead actress spends almost the entire movie lurking through the house, looking for the cause of noises and being scared. I wasn't scared once. Well maybe when they show a cat eating one of the birds, but that was it. Ha!
The lead actress, who has most of the screen time to herself, has these dark thick eyebrows and they were so distracting for the first forty five minutes or so. It was all I could look at. In fact, it looked like she might have lost her eyebrows and someone just drew on new ones with a black Sharpie marker. Haha!
Anyway, this movie was pretty bad. When the phone call guy eventually shows up, he isn't very scary or menacing. Just bland and forgetful.
If I had to pick one good thing about this movie, I would say that it would be the fact that Lance Henriksen does the killer's phone voice. Besides that, this one is a loser.

A Special Date With "Tamara"...

2006-06-09T10:06:00.000-07:00

A Special Date With "Tamara"... Special guest review written by Melissa Wolf
First, I will say that I am glad Mr. Ed made a review site since he takes way too long to make new print issues. I understand he will be relocating soon and I will force him to make new issues. Some guy emailed me and he just recieved issue #2 from a friend. When did that come out? Four year ago? HA! I understand that there have been two issues since, but so I get one? No way. Luckily, I'm nice enough to still contribute. Oh sarcasm is great.
On with the review...
Tamara starts out much like Carrie, with a nerdy girl getting picked on at school. Eventually some "cool" people play a trick on here and she dies. Well, uh oh, she happened to be into witchcraft, so before you know it, she is back, only this time she is sexy and out to get the people who killed her.
This could have quickly turned into a crappy slasher movie, but luckily, it didn't. Tamara makes the victims kill themselves, for the most part. The first person to go takes of his own ear, his tongue and then stabs himself in the eye. And in the best scene in a movie is a long time, she tricks two lustful suitors into having sex with each other! Two guys! Oooooh, how scandalous! I bet every sad boy who rented this in hopes of wacking it to naked boobs was like, "hey what the fuck!" when that scene happened. Yes siree, this is some funny shit.
Ok, the acting is pretty hokey. The paces drags a bit towards the end. And there are a lot of blown chances for fun, but overall, this is a pretty neat straight to video horror movie. I hate at the end when all is settled, they insisted on throwing in a stupid 'but it's not really over' ending. But fuck it, more funny than scary, I still say this one is worth renting. Over and out.

Crimson Screens exhibits some real "Strange Behavior"...

2006-06-01T12:20:00.000-07:00

Crimson Screens exhibits some real "Strange Behavior"...

The early 80's showcases the slasher movie idea at its peak. Countless horror movies were released and many of them ripped ideas from movies such as Halloween and Friday the 13th. Many of these were terrible but a few were great. Strange Behavior is one of the great ones.
The movie follows the general strange goings on in a small town. A lot of the strangeness seems to be radiating from a college and its psychiatric department. We also find out that perhaps strange things went on here years ago.
First, I would like to say that this movie is fantastic at showing a general feeling of dread throughout the film. Not a lot of it is really scary, but rather tense and fucked up, like we are waiting for the bad things to happen.
Second, the murder scenes are pretty grim. I don't mean that they are full on bloodbaths, and while they are bloody, they are filmed in a weird point of view style that kind had me feeling bad for the victims. It was pretty damn nasty when they killer was stabbing at the camera.
This movie carries a surreal feel to it. I don't know if it has to do with the weird videos the psychiatry subjects watch or something else, but coupled with the dread this films shows, the nasty murder scenes and the general tone of the movie, it all goes together and makes a fantastic little horror thriller.
The acting isn't half bad either. And for once, the ending is pretty decent.
This isn't a movie to showcase gore, and while there is some, it is filmed in a mean way that leaves you feeling bad. This is no effects show. It is a tense and grisly little movie.
The only bad part of this one was the stupid party scene where all the party goers break into a synchronized dance routine, to the sounds of 'Lightning Strikes'. Oh boy, was that dumb. I was like, "what the fuck is this?" Besides that little error in judgement, this movie is great. See it!
Also, this weekend, there will be a big update, with three reviews, one of which is a guest review and also a book review. Good stuff!

Crimson Screens visits a "Hostel", hangs out with the "Vice Squad" and podcasts galore!

2006-05-21T14:15:00.000-07:00

Crimson Screens visits a "Hostel", hangs out with the "Vice Squad" and podcasts galore!

Hostel is one of the new breed of horror movies which are seemingly inpspired by the works of Takashi Miike and other over the top Japanese film makers. That is not a bad thing. Those movies usually deal with wild storylines and deal out completely over the top amounts of action, blood and gore. Hostel does the same. Unfortunately, Hostel fails where a lot of those films succeed.
You see, to have a movie where really bad things happen to the characters, for the movie to have any emotion effect on the viewer, we have to care about the characters. In Deliverance, really bad things happened to good people, and we cared because the characters were well drawn and we got to know them before the bad things happened. The same can be said for movies like Halloween and Dawn Of The Dead. Even non horror movies, such as Saving Private Ryan, let us know the characters before the bad things happened. Hostel completely fails to do this.
The first 45 minutes show a group of boys treking across Europe in search of sex, drugs and parties. They find them, oh yes they do. Did you see where i said, "the first 45 minutes"? Good. Because it baffles me to as how I watched these guys for half the movie and I did not care about them at all. Actually, the first half of the movie seems like one of those 80's teen sex comedies that we all love. And them the movie quickly turns into a hideous display of death. The characters are lured to a 'Hostel' where they are promised wild sex and similar joys, but unfortunately for them, it is a cover for a business who has people coming from all over, and paying to experience what it is like to kill someone. The movie picks up pace for a while, but once the survivors escape, it turns into a prolonged and boring cat and mouse chase. It seems to me like after the survivors made is out of the Hostel, he didn't know how to tie this movie up and end it.
This was directed by Eli Roth, who also directed the entertaining Cabin Fever. He is a horror fan and that is quite ovbious. And from what I have read, he is a good dude, and I am one hundred percent sure that he has a genuine horror classic in hime somewhere, waiting to be made. But this is just not it. Sorry dude.
As for the gore factor, it has been a long time since the mainstream screens were splashed with grue of this calibre. The victims just don't die quickly, the suffer long screaming deaths and we see all of it. Characters are sliced and diced with knives, guns chainsaws and even a train! It is all pretty graphic and its not often we see shit like this in regular theatres. But, by and far, the most unsettling thing I have seen in the theatre in years is the part with the woman and her dangling eyeball. Yikes! I've always feared eyeball violence and that part was just tough to watch. I won't say that about much either. Anyways, a average movie with great gore that could have been better, had we cared about the characters.

Vice Squad was always one of those movies that you could read about everywhere, about how great it was, but it was hard to find, seeing as it was out of print on video for years. Luckily, I found a copy of it and ever since it's been one of my favorites. It is about a crazed pimp who spends the duration of the movie, which takes place in one night, chasing after a hooker who ratted him out for killing another hooker. This movie would have been crap but it is moved up to great status by the performance of Wings Hauser as the crazed pimp, Ramrod. He becomes completely obsessed with getting the girl who ratted him out. He screams, he yells, he takes on rooms full of police and escapes and he beats people with a wire hanger. All of this is convincingly partrayed by Wings Hauser, who starred in many 80's action and horror titles. Had the role of Ramrod been given to a less capable actor, the movie would have failed. The other actors aren't shabby either, especially the ones who play the various hookers, as their descriptions and reactions to Ramrod only help to show how feared he is.
This movie has long been hailed as one of the lost early exploitation classics, which it is, and now thanks to DVD, it can be seen by everyone.
This is such a great movie, with many memorable lines and scenes. I think action movies these days should take lessons from movies like this. It doesn't have to be 90 minutes of explosions and multi million dollars of effects. Just get a good storyline, some characters we care about and some action, nothing absurb, and then you got a hit. True story.

Recently, I got an iPod, mainly to consolidate my enormous CD collection. I knew nothing about the added stuff for them. Well, just the other day I was reading about them and I read about podcasts, which are basically self made segments, kind of like a talk show, which anyone can make and post on the internet. The best part is that they are free. After some investigation, I found a lot of them for topics that I like. One of which is horror movies. So far, the best three, which come in weekly installments, are Mondo Movie, The Horror Podcast and The Infected Sound. Mondo Movie and The Horror Podcast are out of the UK and are quite informative and fun to listen to. It took a while to get used to their british accents, but all is good now. The Infected Sound is a similar show, but it is out of the US. It takes a lot less serious tone though, which is ok. lots of juvenile humor and laughs. I'll keep listening.

Ok, that is all I have for today. There will be more tomorrow, with a guest review.
E

From Times Square to a seaside town... "The Exterminator" and "The Fog"

2006-05-20T15:31:00.000-07:00

From Times Square to a seaside town... "The Exterminator" and "The Fog"

it was definately a boring night, so it was decided that to alleviate the boredom, it needed to be movie night. In fact, it was "catch up on movies that have been sitting in the 'to watch' pile for weeks" night. So, off we go...
The Exterminator is a low budget exploitation movie from 1980, which follows two men upon their return home from Vietnam. Life isn't easy for them, but they have their families and each other. Well, after one of them is nearly killed by a gang, the other one swears revenge and he spends the rest of the movie dispatching New York's sickest in all sorts of creative ways.
The Exterminator definately playes off the success of movies like Death Wish, since it basically is made from the same template. But where many other movies did the same, and failed, The Exterminator succeeds. The movie is filled with decent acting, especially from Robert Ginty as the Exterminator. There is a lot of action, with multiple car crashes and explosions, gun fights and a grisly opening in Vietnam. All of that doesn't mean jack though, because if it doesn't work, the movie is garbage. Car crashes and shoot outs don't make a good movie. Luckily, it all flows together nicely here.
There are multiple nice arial shots of old Tiimes Square and also, a few scenes takes place on the streets, so we see a lot of the old theatres, which used to showcase grand movies like this one.
On to the carnage... as I said, the movie opens in a Vietnam prison camp and there is all sorts of bloody wartime action there, including a creepy beheading. Later on in the movie, there is a lot of gunshot violence and a character is wounded with a gardening tool. The Exterminator uses a flame thrower at one point, but discards it for plain old gasoline and a lighter later on. The movie is every bit as sleazy as the streets it takes place on.
Towards the end, it seemingly runs out of energy, as the final moments are a definate let down. No worry though, Robery Ginty would return in The Exterminator 2.
Overall, a notable early 80's exploitation movie and one of the best of its kind.
On the otherhand, The Fog, a remake of the John Carpenter movie, is not so hot. Yes, you read that right, another horror remake. Bah! You know, the original The Fog was hardly a classic. In fact, it wasn't too great at all. So you would think if someone was spending the money to remake it, they would take extra care to fix all the faults of the original and make the movie a good time. Well, no, that is not the case here! Seriously, what the fuck? First off, the acting is kind of bad, as the cast is filled with teeny bopper actors, who don't do much besides try and look scared. Second, the plot keeps all of the same bad idea from the original and makes them worse. Hey, maybe that is why remakes suck? Especially this one. I mean, it's based off a bad movie, so why expect something good.
We got the same bad story about angry seamen who were wronged a long time ago coming back for revenge. While the original at least had some creepy atmosphere, this one has none. The effects are not too special, as they are mostly of the fog doing things and swirling around. My head was swirling about 15 minutes into this thouogh, so at least I can relate to the Fog. Hahaha!
There is no gore to talk of. No scares. No suspense. Just super annoying Selma Blair blabbing her mouth, trying to sound hip, over some radio station. Ugh! Help! Please make it end! Ok, it eventually does end, with, get this... An ending that is even more dumb than the one the original had! Oh man, yes, it is that bad. Ok, to hell with this movie. It sucks.
E

Welcome to Crimson Screens online!

2006-05-20T15:22:00.000-07:00

Greetings! Well, it has been over a year since the last print issue was made and since time constraints, at the time being, really limit the chance to do another print issue, I figure I can do this and update it multiple time a week and keep this whole mess going. Deal? Deal! For now, I will stick to reviews and commentaries, but later on, I will add an occasional interview. I will review just about anything I see, from horror to comedy to mainstream movies. But... the movies I review will fit in to the Crimson Screens label... Strange, odd, violent, weird, bloody, funny, makes no sense, exciting, boring, etc. Got it? Good. I will have articles from time to time, with my thoughts on various things in the world of cinema. Hey, most of the stuff I will be writing about will be horror, or similar movies, so don't get all sad if you have come here expecting something else. Horror is what I know and it is mostly what I watch. But of course, from time to time, there will be other items reviews or talked about. Time will tell.
Also, a new print issue will eventually be released, as will a long in the works Crimson Screens book-type project. Those are both way off in the future though. So be patient.
Ok, enjoy!